Lying Is Bad?
We all know that lying is bad, bad, bad but sometime's it's the only way to win a little peace or get the job done as a parent. Besides, there's nothing wrong with a little white lie now and then right folks?
Chocolate? What Chocolate?
"No this definitely isn't chocolate. It's just last night's chilli leftovers smeared around my mouth." This is what you say to the child that barges into the kitchen, only to find you stuffing piece after piece of chocolate straight from the fridge into your mouth.
Put That Toy Down!
"Put that toy back where you found it in the shop, otherwise their poor toy friends will be crying all night long without him." Are you guilty of saying something like this to your kid when she wants to take home one of those pitiful looking stuffed animals every time you leave the shop? It's as ridiculous as an Eskimo hating snow, but hey, it works!
Only Daddy Knows How
"Daddy is the only person on this earth who knows how to do that, and he's not back until after bedtime." Yes, we moms may all be guilty of delaying a kid's request. Why oh why does he have the habit of picking the most annoying activity out there, without fail, every single time when you have got your hands covered into chicken gunk preparing tonight's dinner?
Everything Is Chicken
"Fish? Noooooo! Are you crazy? There is no way a piece of fish snuck onto your plate. I swear it's chicken." You might be guilty of this if you have a munchkin whose head is about to explode at the mere idea of eating anything else but chicken. You know it sounds dumber than a sack of door knobs, but you'll swear anything is chicken just to get some peace!
No Park Today
"Oh no I'm so sorry! I got a special delivery letter today saying the park is closed all day today. Bummer." And why would you tell a lie like this? Because your squirt always wants a trip to the park when you can barely muster the energy to move a single limb in your body. If only the park were actually a bed! Dream on.
Put That Seat Belt On
"Quick, quick, put your seat belt on! The car doesn't work until you put it on!!!" This is always said with an extreme air of panic. Okay, so you sound two sandwiches shy of a picnic rolling this one out, but what else are you supposed to say to your bambino who pitches a fit every time the word seat belt is even mentioned??
That Beer Isn't Yours
"Drinking beer will give you worms. True story." Does your child have his eye on the prize way too early for your liking? We won't judge this lie.
Mommy and Daddy Were Just Wrestling
"What were we doing? Just wrestling! Honest!" And you can leave out the part about wishing you had been proactive enough to think about locking the bedroom door.
The "F Word"
"Oh you found out what the "F word" was today? Fart? Because that's definitely the "F word" that everybody talks about." Your smug small fry thinks he learned the F-bomb at school today. Maybe he did, but you sure aren't going to give him the opportunity to use it.
Don't Press That
"Don't press that button on the washing machine or it'll explode." Does your ankle-biter have an unhealthy obsession with pushing every single button on the washing machine a bajillion times? The havoc this causes with every washing cycle practically forces you to fib a bit.
"Watching too much TV will make your eyes fall out." So, your little darling thinks the TV is literally the best thing ever, and boy does she let you know about it. This line is a sure-fire way to put a stop to that nagging.
Don't Drink the Bath Water
"If you drink the bath water, you'll turn green." Why, oh why does the imp think it's cute and fun to drink her foul bath water, leaving you chewing on your fore arms in despair every single bath time. Seriously nasty stuff!
The Weather Controls the TV
"The TV only works when it rains. Sorry." If in doubt, blame it on the rain. They can hardly argue with the forces of nature can they?
Stop Touching Everything
"Everytime you touch something, you'll grow warts on your fingers." When your moppet has hands that are like magnets to the whole world causing a world of fear, havoc and destruction wherever she goes - try this line. Immediate shut down.
Stop Crying Already
"If you don't stop crying, you're going to wake the neighbor's cat up." Your urchin decides to cry so much she forgot why she was even crying in the first place. This line is for times of desperation.
Shut That Fridge
"If you leave the fridge open, the polar ice caps will melt and the polar bears will drown." To the cub that likes to spend all day gawping inside the fridge as its entire contents go to ruin. STEP AWAY FROM THE FRIDGE NOW!!!!!
Quit Begging for Juice
So you stupidly tried to sneak some expensive smoothy too good to share while you thought your little tyke wasn't looking. UH OH BIG MISTAKE! End the trauma of juice whining with this - "That's not juice, it's laxative tea."
You Better Not Lie
"If you lie, you'll be hunted by the lie ninjas who will leave no stone unturned in the quest for truth." Instill fear into your tadpole who has just discovered the joys of lying by adopting this zero-tolerance and pretty mean approach to curbing the porky pies.
"Smelling other people's farts will make you stronger." Your whiney tyke who thinks that other people's farts are the most hideous things in the universe and each one is met with a cacophony of loud commentary. Okay, well often they do smell that bad, but we can't let them know that.
Leave Those Switches Alone
"If you keep playing with the switches, you'll break all the light bulbs and we'll be in the dark." Your finger-flicking-happy tot just discovered the joy of light switches and plug sockets. Creating a healthy lifetime fear in little ones is most advisable.
Okay, so lying may not be a habit of one of the most effective parents in the world, but sometimes you just gotta get through the day. Surely one little fib won't hurt, right?