Stress in Children

Causes of Stress in Children

While many adults look at childhood as a simple, peaceful time, with days full of play, fun, and laughter, today's kids face a whole host of stressors. One of the biggest causes of stress for kids is conflict in the home. Divorce and drawn-out custody battles play a role in many kids' lives. Even if relatively peaceful homes, it is difficult for kids to be split between two homes. Divided loyalties, step parents, different discipline methods, and new siblings can all cause stress.

Other common causes of childhood stress include:

• Academic problems
• Peer pressure
• Rejection, whether real or imagined
• Death of a friend or relative
• Dealing with school or neighborhood bullies
• Anxiety over family financial trouble

Signs of Stress

Everyone, including kids, feels stress sometimes. An upcoming test or party, could cause fleeting anxiety. Normal stress is related to a specific event and evaporates when the event is over. More problematic stress is a near-constant state of mind and could have longer lasting results.

Since children are not always forthcoming-- or aware-- of their feelings, don't expect your youngster to tell you she feels over-stressed. Instead, look for signs. Some common symptoms of stress overload include:

• Chronic stomachache
• Unexplained irritability
• Bouts of crying
• Change in personality
• Loss of appetite
• Regressing to baby-like behavior
• Teeth grinding

These symptoms do not always mean stress. A chronic stomachache, for example, could be a legitimate medical condition. Likewise, teeth grinding could be a dental issue. As a parent, part of your job is to observe your child closely. Can you identify anything that could be causing stress?

Reducing Stress

Everyday stresses cannot be completely eliminated, but there are things you can do to help reduce the problematic, ongoing stress. Here are a few tips.

Home Life

Home is one of the most stressful environments for kids. Since they are emotionally connected and dependent on parents and family members, kids are especially sensitive to problems on the homefront. While it's unrealistic-- and undesirable-- to shield kids from every family squabble, it is a mistake to put them front and center. As a parent, follow these tips:

• Do not argue or fight with your spouse in front of your child
• Never bash your spouse, current or ex, to your child
• Do not confide in your child about your problems
• Do not use your child as a pawn in your marriage or divorce

School

Between its academic, social, and extracurricular aspects, school can also be stress-inducing for kids. If a child has been labelled a "geek" or "misfit", she could be feeling the pain of not fitting in. If you suspect your child is having trouble making friends at school, help her hone her conversation skills.

Stay on top of your child's academic progress. Seek tutoring or homework assistance if needed. Make sure that your child is being properly challenged, but not overwhelmed. Stay in touch with teachers via the PTA and parent teacher conferences. By taking an active role in her school life, you'll increase your chances of recognizing the cause of your child's stress.

Extracurricular Activities

Sometimes, the cause of stress in children is a simple case of overscheduling. Kids have different tolerance levels for activity. Some thrive on being busy, but others need regular down time. If you suspect your child has too many extracurricular activities, consider cutting down to one or two. Here are some other tips for dealing with activity stress:

• Encourage your child to be her best, but not necessarily the best
• Allow sports to be about fun and comraderie instead of competition
• Praise the effort and not just the results
• Allow your child to quit ocassionally, if a particular activity is causing extreme stress

Other Ways You Can Help

Since you cannot wipe out all of your child's stress, you will inevitably be faced with a stressed-out kid. In the face of stress, the most important thing you can do is be available. Let your child know that she can talk to you about anything and everything. Sometimes, just talking it out can lessen the stress levels considerably. Other things you can do:

• Share anecdotes about your own childhood dilemmas (but don't go overboard!)
• Spend time with her
• Respect her need for alone time
• Be affectionate-- hugs, kisses, and kind words go a long way
• Teach calming methods-- deep breathing, prayer, meditation