Permissive Parenting

From LoveToKnow Kids

Permissive parenting is a style of parenting that some parents laud as the best way to raise children. Do you agree, or do you disagree? We'd love to hear your views on this particular article. For those of you unfamiliar with permissive parenting, keep reading.

permissive parenting

What is Permissive Parenting?

Permissive parenting means basically just what the words imply: giving your child permission to do things, a lot of things. This style of parenting dates back to the 1950's as a reaction to the atrocities of World War II. May parents took a hands off method of raising their children, ignoring inappropriate behavior and believing that children would learn from the results of their behavior choices. Today, those who choose the permissive approach believe that they are in all actuality focusing on love instead of limitations.

There are others who very adamantly disagree with this theory, however. According to Dr. Richard O'Connor, there are four areas of permissive parenting: general confused permissiveness, compensatory permissiveness, conditional permissiveness, and indifferent permissiveness.

  • General Confused Permissiveness: In this case, parents lean towards maintaining a friendship with their child, rather than nurturing a parent/child relationship. They truly feel that they should give in to their child's desires and wants whenever possible.
  • Compensatory Permissiveness: In most cases, this type of permissive parenting applies when a parent was deprived either of affection or material items as a child, and that parent doesn't want to see his or her own child have the same experiences.
  • Conditional Permissiveness: Conditional permissiveness refers to the act of giving in to children as long as they meet certain conditions, especially those which will reflect well on the family.
  • Indifferent Permissiveness: For various reasons, such as overtime work hours, illness, or other obligations, some parents give their children undo permission simply because they don't have the time or the inclination to worry about managing their children's time, activities, actions, etc.

Many parents feel that permissive parenting is a positive method of raising their children, while others shake their heads in dismay at the idea of giving in to their children's wants.

Positives

Proponents of permissive parenting are accustomed to arguing their points and singing the praises of this parenting method. While some practice permissiveness simply because they aren't familiar with any other type of parenting, others make an active choice to parent in this manner, and they cite the following reasons for their decision:

  • Focus on love: These parents feel that limiting their children is denying them a strong, emotional, bonding love.
  • Encourage creativity: Some feel that limitations can restrict creativity, and permissive parenting allows a child to become more creative and free-thinking.
  • Relationship: The permissive parent often chooses this method of parenting because they believe that it is important to be a child's friend instead of his parent.
  • Lack of conflict: These parents typically avoid conflict with their children.

Negatives

While there are many parents who choose to be permissive with their children, there are others who strongly oppose this theory. They cite the following reasons for their belief that permissive parenting can actually harm a child.

  • Loss of control: Opponents feel that parents run the risk of losing control of their children with this type of parenting.
  • No motivation: Others feel that a child who has too much freedom simply drifts from one action to another, without any real focus or direction.
  • Pushing the limit: Some feel that giving a child too much permission will encourage him to push the limits, no matter how small, that have been set by the parent, teachers, or society, eventually eliminating any limitations at all.
  • Power struggles: Once a parent decides to walk away from his or her permissiveness and attempts to make a change, a power struggle with the child may ensue.

More Information

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Comments

Julie, Thanks so much for writing! I enjoyed your comments very much!-Susie

-- Contributed by: Susie1506

I have had the opportunity to witness this style of parenting very intimately as my husband is the youngest of six children and all of his siblings have raised their children this way. It is my opinion that the helicopter parents of today (the baby boomer generation) is just reacting like they always have in their self-centered history. They must think that if they are friends with their children and give in to all of their desires that the child will in turn be their friend and give them what they want and they will appear to everyone else as the "perfect family" and make them look good. What they don't realize is that their children often eventually feel that they are entitled to having everything that they want and doing everything that they want with giving very little on their end. They have very little respect for elders and authority. I feel for this generation because their parents have enabled them and they don't know how to become successful, contributing members of society on their own unless there is instant gratification and something in it for them. Perhaps it is because their parents were raised with the same hands-off approach and they rejected authority. I think that being a parent is just that and when my young children are adults we can be friends. Parents need to parent with a purpose and ask ourselves why we want children and how to parent to do the best job we can. I fear that generation z (my children) will have a lot of cleaning up to do. Our generation has and continues to have (foreclosures, the economy ) to clean up after the self-centered - "I want it now - I want the biggest and the best this and that and I'm not willing to work hard and wait for it so I will just spend money I don't have" generation. Parents, lets be parents and put our kids "first" by developing solid, hard-working, respectful children with good character. And let us be good stewards of the blessings that we enjoy in our country and be good examples to our children.

-- Contributed by: Julie

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