Good Qualities in a Parent

Just what are considered good qualities in a parent? Patience, kindness, love? Well, of course, all of these characteristics are must-haves in the parenting world, but being a successful parent involves so much more.

Unfortunately, unsuccessful parenting often follows a pattern throughout the generations of a family. If you come from a rather dysfunctional family, like many of us do, it often takes an effort to break the cycle of bad parenting habits. In many cases, good qualities in a parent don't just come naturally. You may need to "learn" how to parent. Does this mean you'll be perfect? Of course not, and in fact, one of the most important lessons you'll learn is that it is okay to make mistakes…as long as you admit those mistakes to yourself and to your children. One of the most valuable lessons you can teach your kids is that everyone makes mistakes, but they also need to learn how to acknowledge those mistakes and apologize for them as well.

Is there an absolute list of good qualities in a parent? Not really, but "rolling with the punches" may just need to be first on the list, with "pick your battles" as a close second. Good parenting means you need to know when to hold firm and when to make changes. As the parent of a toddler, the qualities you need to get you through these formative years will be somewhat different from the attributes you'll rely on as the parent of a teen. Your parenting skills should adapt to the age of your child and the necessities of the situations you face each day.

Once your baby reaches toddlerhood, you'll find yourself relying on truckloads of patience at times. These years are full of questions, trial and error, tantrums, tears, and overwhelming joy. What are some of the best qualities you can have as you parent your little ones?

• Time-The gift of your time is the greatest gift you can give your child, so spend some one-on-one time each day just playing, reading, singing, or doing anything fun with your little guy or girl.

• Teaching-Look for opportunities throughout the day to teach your child. This can be as simple as counting the number of cookies on his plate or calling out the color of his shirt. As his parent, you are also his teacher.
• Calmness-It's amazing how young children take their cues for behavior from their parents. An unfamiliar situation, like the first day of preschool, can be much less daunting if they see how calm their parents are.
• Understanding-The world of a toddler is one of wonder and frustration. Don't add to your child's stress by pushing her too hard, but instead understand and empathize with her as she tries new skills and activities.
• Love-This goes without saying, of course, but a hug and a kiss can do wonders for a child who is luminously happy or distressingly distraught.

As your children grow, their bodies and minds will continue to change, as will their needs. Your parenting skills will need to adapt as well. Although you'll still need to hang on to the basic parenting traits of patience, understanding, and love, you may need to incorporate a few new qualities.

• Reinforcement-No matter how independent your elementary school aged child, tween, or teen might seem, they still need your reinforcement. Praise them for good behavior, and remind them gently when they slip up. Give them an opportunity to make it right, before you automatically jump to conclusions and consequences.
• Time-Giving of your time is still important, whether your child is 8 or 18. Seek out her interests and share those interests together. Involve her in leisure plans, such as weekend getaways and summer vacations.
• Communicate-This is a big one! Keep the lines of communication open by listening to your child, even if he says something you may not want to hear. Don't "attack", but instead "talk" through issues and problems.
• Involvement-Be your child's biggest supporter, whether it's a recreational baseball game or a garage band rock concert. Welcome her friends into your home, too.

Finally, continue to protect your child from himself and others. Provide lots of loving attention and supervision, and let your child know that you love him and want the best for him. Yes, you will make mistakes along the way, but loving your child and being willing to change can strengthen the bonds between you and your child.

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