Children of Alcoholics

Labeling Alcoholism

For many children of alcoholics, the line between casual drinker and alcoholic is a blurred one. Kids often aren’t sure if their parents are actually alcoholics, and they are often afraid to find out. Labeling alcoholism isn’t really that difficult, however. If the drinking is affecting the individual and other family members, then it is a problem. What children don’t typically recognize, though, is that alcoholism is an illness, and while an alcoholic can’t actually be cured, he or she can get control of this problem. Many children hesitate to approach another adult with the suspicion that their parent may have a drinking problem simply because they don’t know if it really is a problem or they are afraid of what might happen to them. The following questions can help kids determine if their suspicions are correct:

• How often does your parent drink?
• How does your parent’s drinking make you feel?
• Does your parent’s personality/actions change when he or she is drinking?
• Do you wish your parent would limit or stop his or her drinking?
• Does your parent’s drinking make you feel angry, sad, or embarrassed?
• Does your parent seem to drink to handle certain situations?
• Does your parent begin drinking in the morning or by midday?

If a child answers yes to even one of these questions, then it may be time to seek some outside help for her family.

Children of Alcoholics are Helpless

Children of alcoholics handle their parents drinking in a variety of ways. They often suffer from depression, mistakenly believing that they are the cause of their parents’ problems. This way of thinking is similar to children whose parents are divorcing. It is important for kids to understand that nobody can make someone else become an alcoholic. It is a parent’s choice to drink, and even though they may try to place blame on others around them, it is still their decision. Once an addiction has developed, the alcoholic is compelled to drink, and this compulsion often defies reason. They only way they can beat this addiction is to seek professional help. Kids cannot control their parents, and although they may try to do so by hiding or throwing away the liquor, they need to understand that until a parent decides to do something about his or her drinking problem, there isn’t anything a child can do to halt this destructive behavior.

Coping Strategies

What can kids do? They can make sure they take care of themselves, both physically and emotionally. Hopefully, there are other responsible adults in a child’s life who can encourage and help him find help. Even if the behavior of the alcoholic parent can’t be changed, a child can learn how to deal with the issues at hand.

• You are not alone. There are others out there just like you who have alcoholic parents and family members.
• Educate yourself. The more information you have on hand, the better equipped you’ll be to handle your day to day situation.
• Enjoy life. Face the fact that you can’t change your parent’s behavior, but you do have some control over your own life. Get involved in extracurricular activities and hobbies, and eliminate some of the stress in your life.
• Find a support group. Your support group could consist of other concerned family members, friends, teachers, and of course Al-Anon/Alateen, “where members share their own experience, strength, and hope with each other. You will meet others who share your feelings and frustrations, if not your exact situation. We come together to learn a better way of life, to find happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.”

Al-Anon/Alateen

Reach out to others who have experience dealing with alcoholic relatives and friends by contacting an Al-Anon/Alateen support group. You can find a support group in the following ways:

• Search the phone book-Look up Al-Anon in your local directory’s yellow or white pages.
• Ask another adult in your life-Your minister, teacher, friend’s parent, doctor, or other relative may be able to help you.
• Visit this site for state by state listings, including Canada.
• Call 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) Monday thru Friday, 8 am – 6 pm ET. for meeting information in Canada and the US.
• Consider attending an electronic meeting. You can find out more information on this topic here.

Finally, remember that you aren’t alone. There is help available, and you don’t have to face this problem by yourself!