Child Behavior Management

You Are Not Alone

Even in a perfectly normal family, children will test their limits and parents will lose control. It is actually more dysfunctional to expect a child or an adult to never act out and become emotional. Most child experts say that average children will behave about two-thirds of the time. This does not mean you should sit back and accept the misbehavior, though. The role of parents is to raise healthy, functional children and part of this responsibility is effective child behavior management. The main advantage of understanding that your kids will misbehave occasionally, is to help you appreciate you are not alone.

No Standard Formula

Even though the steps involved in good child behavior management are similar, there is no one best way to approach behavior issues. Ultimately, the management design will depend on the child. Typically, the best behavior management style is directly related to why a specific child misbehaves. As these reasons can change day-by-day or year-by-year, a technique that works today may not work down the road. Keep the following in perspective when arranging your family’s child behavior management plan:

• What works for one family might not necessarily work for a different family.
• Different children within the same family may require different behavior modification methods.
• Some techniques are purely situational and will only work in specific circumstances.

The severity of problems can range from normal blips to serious troubles. In one family, a child may have occasional bursts of anger that cause a mild tantrum of kicking and screaming. A different family, on the other hand, may have frequent events of dramatic tantrums, with a child completely losing control and damaging property. In both cases, the problem is anger control and tantrums, but the severity is dramatically different.

General Child Behavior Management

The first step in any plan is to identify the problems and difficulties your child is exhibiting. This step will help you to develop a unique plan of action specific to your family’s situation. Also make sure you have realistic expectations for your child. Discuss your guidelines with your pediatrician or friends, or consult books about your child’s age if you are concerned.

Good Management Plans

As you work on your plan, remember that you are also teaching your child skills as part of this process. In the above example of anger control, your plan should be to come up with solutions to help your child release his/her anger more effectively. This is a valuable skill even as your child grows into adulthood.

Another consideration is to reduce outside stress in your child and family’s lifestyle. This may be something as simple as going to bed earlier, spending more time together, or eating regular snacks. As feelings of exhaustion, loneliness, and hunger all affect a child’s ability to stay on task.

Lastly, your plan should focus on long-term benefits rather than short-term gains. Although yelling at your child gets him/her to behave in the short term, in the long run it will not teach them valuable social skills. You actually save yourself certain headaches down the road by avoiding common short-term traps like bribery, fear, and intimidation techniques.

Basic Management Steps

Generally, an effective child behavior management plan should have the following:

• Clear Expectations

Avoid vague commands. When addressing a behavior issue, be direct and maintain eye contact with your child.

• Only One Warning

It is certainly acceptable to provide your child with a warning, but make it count. Provide one firm warning that clearly defines the consequence of continuing the misbehavior.

• Instill Punishment

If the misbehavior continues, take away a privilege as your consequence. This will vary based on the child and their age.

• Stay Calm

Keep your focus and don’t let yourself get too worked up. By being consistent and sticking to a plan, you take some of the emotion out of the situation.

Following Rules

In addition to a basic plan for dealing with misbehavior as it arises, it is also important to establish a set of family rules. This can start as soon as your child can talk and begin to exhibit some self control, usually around two years old. For a young child, start with only a few rules and add more as he/she develops.

Write down your list of rules and post it in a common area. Even if your child cannot yet read, having a written list labels it important. In addition, a written set of rules serves as a good reminder for the parents. Talk as a family about the rules, and define specific consequences for a broken rule. Be sure to follow through every time a rule is ignored.

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