Kids Say The Funniest Things

Kids say the funniest things

Kids - you've got to love 'em. Their broken little verbal filters frequently leave us wishing the ground would open up and swallow us whole. LoveToKnow readers share the funniest, most cringe-worthy things their kids have said, for your entertainment.

Oversharing Central

He said what?!

Got a kid who loves to overshare? We spend the first few years trying to teach our kids to share, then suddenly we start wishing perhaps they wouldn't share quite so much when we have one of these tricky moments...
"The librarian asked my son if he liked books about chickens. He looked at me, then back at her and said, 'Sometimes my shorts get stuck up my butt and I have to pull them out.'" - Bre

Age-Shaming Antics

There's nothing kids love better than some good, old fashion age-shaming. Extra mortification points for when Grandma is involved and they're shamelessly ratting you out...

"Grandma, how old is dirt? Mommy says it's younger than you." - Marybeth

Loud Speaker Toilet Announcements

Loud and clear

Can anyone keep it to themselves when mama needs to pee? Seriously, does the whole world really need to know about your bodily functions? Apparently so when little ones are involved...

"While traveling, I went into a crowded gas station towing my three-year-old by the hand. All the way across the store to the bathroom, he kept shouting at the top of his voice, 'Mama has to pee! Just pee, not poop! Mama has to pee!' We turned every head in the place." - Kate

Butt-Spotting Blunders

Kids just love to say it how they see it... especially when big butts and wobbly bits are concerned. There's nothing Bootylicious about this comment we promise...

"I was on the shuttle bus from the parking garage to the hospital with my three-year-old son. Everyone was getting up to get off the bus. The lady in front of us was a larger woman and my son yelled out, 'Look mommy that lady has a huuuugeeee butt!' - Krista

Calling Out the Crusties

There's nothing like a kid's view of the world to make EVERYBODY feel old... if it were up to them we'd all be locked up in retirement homes by next year...

"My nine-year-old once told me, 'People shouldn't be able to drive when they get old.' So I asked, 'Really? How old is too old?' Her reply? 'Hmmmm, 50.'" - Karrie

Spies 'R' Us

Spy kids

Forget the question of whether parents should be spying on their kids. They've already got your number, and they're primed to tell the whole world about what they saw while they were doing so!

"My five-year-old little boy told me in front of a room of family and friends that he has video surveillance over the whole entire house, ending with the proclamation of 'Don't think I didn't see what you did to daddy yesterday!'" - Cresha

Salty What?

Some kids just have the knack of making the innocent sound so wrong... and somehow, they always manage to do it in front of someone hot? Answers on a postcard please...

"My offspring, who was six or seven at the time, and I, were standing in the line at Starbucks. Behind us were three amazingly hot firemen, which up to that point in my life, I thought was just a cliche. Suddenly, my offspring pipes up and says, 'Hey mom look! Salty nuts! You love to suck on salty nuts!' Everyone in line burst out laughing, myself included." - Synn

But Daddy Can!

Ooof. Awkward....

Do as I say, not as Daddy does. There's nothing like exposing some good, old-fashioned and unseemly double standards to stop us in our tracks. Thanks kiddos!

"I was standing in a crowded bus, 15-month old daughter in one arm, holding on to the rails with the other. Suddenly, said daughter stuck her little hand down the front of my blouse. I self-consciously removed her hand. . .people glanced, grinned and quickly looked away again. When she did it a second time I said, 'No darling, that's not nice, you don't do that.' She replied loudly, with her first ever spoken words, 'Daddy can!.' The brat's first words EVER. I was totally embarrassed." - Eva

What's That Down There Ma?

What to do when your kid notices something amiss with how things look "down there?" Hope they don't announce it to the world, that's what... Oh c'mon now, who are you kidding?

"You know how sometimes your jeans can bunch up a little in the front? It makes the zipper cover part stick out. My three-year-old son in Walmart blurts out, 'I didn't know you had a little pecker mama?!.'" - Rya

Blunt as Can Be

Definitely don't let your kids be your wingman... ever! They may as well just bask in the limelight of their put-downs and be done with it.

Girl puffing her cheeks

"My daughters and I were out to eat dinner one night while my husband was out of town. We were sitting next to the bar, and I jokingly said I should take off my ring, grab one of the bar stools, and see if anybody would buy me a drink. When they asked why, I explained that sometimes men would buy women drinks. My daughter Gabrielle, who was six, said, 'Well why would anybody buy you anything? You're fat.'" - Susie

Proving that nobody should ever work with animals or children. Bet you all can't wait to seek sweet revenge on your spawn one day for these doozies!

Kids Say The Funniest Things