What would you have done?

So we had an interesting experience yesterday. . .

We were at a museum where they had an area for 5 and under filled with mats etc.  My twins were intent on building a castle and this toddler wanders over to what they deemed was their area.  I would say that maybe he was 12 to 14 mos.—newly walking, etc.

In a very motherly fashion, one of my twins takes him by the arm and leads him away. . .

I saw the whole thing, I called to her and she didn’t hear me so I got up and instructed her.  She says, ‘I was trying to help him I don’t want him to get hurt.’  So I say, “Well, that’s sweet but we can’t grab people.”  She wasn’t rough with him. . .but. . .

Mom is behind me and begins yelling at me:
1)  I should’ve removed my daughter for injuring her toddler (the kid was not injured—wasn’t even crying)
2)  I am unfit because my children are bossy. (Well okay, she was being bossy but she is 4 and well, we’ll work on it.)
3)  If that were her child…she’d never have let her grab another kid.

So at this point, I stop her politely but firmly and say that I’m sorry Emily grabbed him and that she thought she was being helpful but that I have told her to stop.  I smile, and turn around to ignore her.

Emily (the grabbing twin) and then Laura who work as a team, decide that the mom is not being polite and procede to tell her…a) you shouldn’t yell at our mommy b) that is rude c) God doesn’t want us to yell at people.  I’m totally mortified, ask them to come to me, and tell them that the best thing to do in the situation is ignore.  I’m not loud.. .if anything I’m trying to escape attention.  (Understand that these twins are verbose and this was in rapid fire succession…if I had time to stop them after the first “you’re being rude” I would’ve.)

The woman is livid, and CALLS SECURITY and demands that I be removed from the pit because my children are uncontrollable!  huh?!  I’m thinking that this is a mountain out of mole hill.  What would you have done?  (I’ll tell you what happened later.) 

Hi twinzplus3,

I just had to reply to your post, because I think your twins sound wonderful.  There you are sticking up for them and they are sticking up for you.  I am sure at the moment that did not seem so great, but from an outsider reading your story, I think it is pretty awesome.

I am just like you.  I do not like to make a big scene.  I would have responded just like you did at the beginning and walk away.  I may, however, have lost it when security was called.  I would have hoped that I would rationally explain what happened.  Another scenario is that I may have at that point yelled right back or I may have turned bright red and just walked right out of that museum.  That, however, would not solve anything, so I would hope that I would stay rationally and explain everything to security and go our separate ways.

We are sure tested as parents aren’t we. 

Christine

One thing is for certain on what I wouldn’t have done in this situation. I wouldn’t have left the area. Your daughter didn’t do anything wrong. I think ignoring to an extent is fine, but I also want my daughters to stand up for themselves when someone is treating them poorly. It is definitely a fine line. On the one hand, I want them to be forgiving and turn the other cheek. On the other hand, I want them to be bold and take on the world. Tough balancing act, even for adults.

I would have calmly explained the situation to the security guard. Likely the other mother, who obviously is unreasonable, would have had a meltdown as I calmly explained my viewpoint and the security guard would have clearly seen who was at fault in the situation. I’m just sayin’.

I think your daughters sound like bright and wonderful children.

Well ladies, thank you for your responses…and such kind words too!

Security was called, I was fuming mad…and you’re right—I wasn’t about to leave.  Psycho mom, in hysterics told guard that my children were beating up other children.  Not the exact verbiage but that was the implication. All other moms were watching her in disbelief (or that’s what I choose to believe it was). I told security guard, in my most polite and understated voice (the one I used to use when my 5th graders were really in trouble) that I was watching my daughters and had no idea what the woman was talking about—which at this point I didn’t—my kids don’t beat people up. Security guard asks hysterical mom to point out the offending children.

At that very moment it just so happened that the twins were having an especially sweet moment…they are playing together and they are sharing their “fish” with another younger toddler.  So he turns to the woman and says that she should probably leave the area if her child is unable to handle the stimuli that comes from being around a lot of kids and that he thought he was called because we were talking about a much older child.

She huffed and stomped and puffed all the way out of there…and that was that.  But afterwards, I did wonder if maybe I wasn’t being proactive enough.  For me, if someone else grabs my child but mom is right there—I’m fine.  If mom is oblivious I get annoyed…but I wasn’t oblivious.

You did great.  I am very impressed with you and your kids.  I would hope that I would handle the situation the same way.  Good job for not leaving and sticking up for your children.

LOL Don’t be impressed…I only write the good stuff here!  I’d never write about the time when my son wapped his sister upside the head with the garden hose because she wanted to help wash the car…or the time when Emily gave Laura a black eye because she was in her way…nope…only writing good stuff here. 

I did ask my husband about it because after all it wasn’t my child being grabbed…I felt like maybe I was missing something.  But he’s a teacher too and said he would’ve done similar.  He kind of felt like if you were uncomfortable with your toddler playing in a pit with kids…it might not be the right timing for you.  But of course it’s hard to unbiased because it was our child.  I’m sure to that other mother it didn’t look like Emily was “helping” at all.

Oh I am right there with you.  This post would probably be way too long if I went into everything that my children have done.  Especially my first son who was very excitable and for the first 11 years of his life would hurt his friends just playing around.  Now that he is 15, he is grown into a great boy.  My other two have their moments too, but they sure make my life interesting.

Thanks again for your post.  I will remember it, if I ever run into a similar situation.

I think you handled the situation exactly right. Good job! You should be proud of yourself. You set a good example for your children of how to handle a situation filled with conflict. You kept your cool, stated your case and let the other mom have her tantrum. Quite frankly, she was acting worse than any of the children could have. Think about the example she was setting for her child - how to act like a psycho.

Sorry, but I have not patience for drama. Anyway, whose kids can’t be difficult at times? Maybe she’ll figure it out as her child gets older. Then again, maybe not.

Hee-hee we went back to the aquarium, (we’re members and it’s been raining non-stop) back to the pit and she was there!  She left when she saw us.    It’s kind of too bad, I can’t help but think of that poor kid!  My husband was with me the second time…but no drama.  I’m glad though—I’m really not into drama.

What a small world we live in .  Good job for not leaving again.  You can tell who the mature one is.  I do hope the rain stops for you soon!!

Sticky situation, on one hand you clearly did nothing wrong and for that matter neither did your children and on the other why should you leave if your innocent? I think that it was probably the embaressment factor that was the major thing here. Do you stay and plead your case of just leave (and therefore look guilty).

I probably would have stayed, said to the guard to review the tape (ALL public areas are taped today) and he would see that you did nothing wrong.