LoveToKnow Kids

Discipline

2009-04-27T13:27:39-08:00

When your child misbehaves, how do you handle it? Do you use time out, grounding, lectures, or something else?

When my kids were younger, we experimented with time outs, but never really had much luck with it. My kids respond better when I use lots of positive reinforcement and discussions about bad behavior. When they really misbehave, we do ground them, but that hasn’t been necessary many times.

Difficult Family Members

2009-07-07T03:04:42-08:00

UGH I’m so frustrated I could pull my hair out! Last night we had a big party at my in-law’s house. My nieces and nephews really dislike two of my children. They (the nieces and nephews) bully them (two of my kids) and the parents do nothing. My oldest is upset because she doesn’t like seeing her siblings getting yelled at (she’s a sweet one), my son doesn’t want to play with his cousins anymore, and my middle daughter came home crying because the oldest cousin is just plain mean to her. My kids are not perfect. . .but neither are they instegating (and actually they are trying hard to walk away and ignore—they don’t respond to their cousins at all.) Part of the issue is a very different standard for what is and is not polite or acceptable behavior.

So what would you do?

Internet Protection

2009-09-25T22:22:09-08:00

Hi all. We take the normal precautions of making them be on the computer in the main living part of the house where we can monitor, etc., but I am looking for some software to install that will take it one step further so nothing accidentally pops up.

I am looking at Safe Eyes and wondered if anyone has used it or anything similar. This is the one that Dave Ramsey recommends. Any advice/feedback appreciated.

Fighting, Fighting and More Fighting

2009-08-29T14:33:57-08:00

My kids are 4 and 5. It seems like the fighting between the two of them never stops. I try to let them work it out on their own, but I have to tell you that sometimes their constant bickering makes me want to go hide under the covers all day.

I know that it’s probably only going to get worse -they are quite young, after all- but what coping strategies do you use when your kids start arguing relentlessly?

What would you have done?

2009-06-23T03:45:32-08:00

So we had an interesting experience yesterday. . .

We were at a museum where they had an area for 5 and under filled with mats etc. My twins were intent on building a castle and this toddler wanders over to what they deemed was their area. I would say that maybe he was 12 to 14 mos.—newly walking, etc.

In a very motherly fashion, one of my twins takes him by the arm and leads him away. . .

I saw the whole thing, I called to her and she didn’t hear me so I got up and instructed her. She says, ‘I was trying to help him I don’t want him to get hurt.’ So I say, “Well, that’s sweet but we can’t grab people.” She wasn’t rough with him. . .but. . .

Mom is behind me and begins yelling at me:
1) I should’ve removed my daughter for injuring her toddler (the kid was not injured—wasn’t even crying)
2) I am unfit because my children are bossy. (Well okay, she was being bossy but she is 4 and well, we’ll work on it.)
3) If that were her child…she’d never have let her grab another kid.

So at this point, I stop her politely but firmly and say that I’m sorry Emily grabbed him and that she thought she was being helpful but that I have told her to stop. I smile, and turn around to ignore her.

Emily (the grabbing twin) and then Laura who work as a team, decide that the mom is not being polite and procede to tell her…a) you shouldn’t yell at our mommy b) that is rude c) God doesn’t want us to yell at people. I’m totally mortified, ask them to come to me, and tell them that the best thing to do in the situation is ignore. I’m not loud.. .if anything I’m trying to escape attention. (Understand that these twins are verbose and this was in rapid fire succession…if I had time to stop them after the first “you’re being rude” I would’ve.)

The woman is livid, and CALLS SECURITY and demands that I be removed from the pit because my children are uncontrollable! huh?! I’m thinking that this is a mountain out of mole hill. What would you have done? (I’ll tell you what happened later.)

Acting Out

2009-03-20T21:41:08-08:00

My husband is in the military. In the past when he has gone away for an extended period of time my son barely noticed, but now he’s a preschooler and my husband just left for a year. My son is taking it really hard and is lashing out: biting, wetting his pants, and generally having temper tantrums as though he is 2 all over again.

I understand that this is really hard for him, but I don’t know what to do other than reassure him that everything will be okay and weather the storm. There has to be a better way! Any suggestions?

Spoiled?

2009-05-27T15:40:33-08:00

I sometimes worry that my kids are getting spoiled. I grew up with very meager financial means, so when I see all the things my kids have and all the things they get to do I sometimes pause to wonder if maybe I’m spoiling them.

Then again, it’s not like the kids are showered with gifts all the time and I wouldn’t say that they are spoiled in their demeanor. As long as kids are thankful for the things they have, can they still be spoiled?

Proactive Character Training

2009-06-30T02:09:36-08:00

My husband and I went to a conference a few years ago led by Paul Tripp. He is a Christian family counselor but had a lot of really good stuff to say. One of the things that stuck with me was that he said he and his wife used to systematically sit down and discuss how to encourage specific character traits in their children. I liked the idea because it was very proactive…as opposed to just reacting to things as they happen.

So now my husband and I are sitting down “regularly” (not to be confused with often LOL) and choosing things to work on with our kids. Just thought I’d throw the idea out there because I really liked it!

Chronic Lying

2009-04-27T17:46:41-08:00

Any advice for dealing with a twelve-year-old that keeps lying? I have caught my daughter in several lies recently. They all tie into feeling like she belongs. I think she’s really struggled since going from homeschooling into traditional school, because we live in a small town and it just takes a while to find that fit. Anyway, lying about things like boyfriends that don’t exist and such. My concern in addition to the lying is that she’ll get a reputation for lying. Anyone else dealt with this? For now, I’ve taken her phone away, since she was texting people these things, but I want to address the underlying issue of self-worth too.

Potty Mouth

2009-04-07T20:52:37-08:00

My kids are learning all sorts of new and interesting words and sayings from the kids around them. My husband and I have always been very careful about not using foul language around our kids. As they get older it’s much harder to shelter them from these types of things so I know that it’s only a matter of time before one of them comes home with a seedy word.

How do you react to this?